30 November 2006
it's cold enough to be snowing, but not quite
So I'm in the library, a place I now love since I found a nice table by a window (if you look at our library from outside you will notice a definite lack of glass and overenthusiasm with plaster), and I just broke ground in Word Document 2 by writing an extremely jumbled new introduction for my Core paper which I feel is going rather well, considering that last night I had a panic attack and later woke up at 4am involuntary and jerked my feet for two hours while listening to my roommate snore and thinking about what to change my topic to since I realized that my original outline was too broad and historical and not focused or memoirish enough, which I think it is now (DEAR GOD I HOPE SO BECAUSE I'M SICK OF THINKING AND JUST WANT TO TYPE IT UP AND BE DONE WITH THINKING ABOUT WOMEN AND FOOD FOR A WHILE). I mosied over to Go Fug Yourself and almost silently died from suppressing laughter about today's post on Jude Law. It was nice to be reminded that there is a happy world around the corner, and that the never-ending hole which I find is engulfing me this week does, in fact, have a removable lid that says 14th December 2006 on it, and at least I'm still capable of being amused. The people sitting behind me probably think I was crying. But I am wearing black, and I did have to put the Endangered Species Chocolate - Dark Chocolate with Deep Forest Mint bar away. So not an unreasonable guess, not at all.
27 November 2006
where are you out tonight?
I'm feeling very restless. I banged out a detailed outline for my paper today, which means that now I have no excuse but to start writing.
This morning I got up at 8, and it was pouring, dark and cloudy. I left the room at 8:50 in a fleece and jeans, walked to the Motley, and then realized that I loved the feeling of walking so I kept walking, past the Motley, off campus, down to the Village. I bought coffee that came in a thick styrofoam cup that I wish I hadn't had to use, and then walked back, my hair soaked, my fleece spattered with water, my jeans wet. I wiped my face off in the bathroom, went to Biology, changed my clothes, and then went to a cafe to eat lunch and write my outline. I stopped at Trader Joe's (where it was calm and peaceful and the smoky jazzy Christmas music made me nostalgic for something, something in my past that was safe and warm and calm), dropped off my food in my room, and went to the library, where I never go. I faffed around waiting for my professor to email me her comments on my outline. After two hours I had to leave, so I came to the Motley, and now I need to leave here too. Where next? It's too early for dinner, my room doesn't have any appeal right now, and I don't want to get in my car again. All day I've been wishing I were in New York City.
Get this: I hurt a muscle or tendon or ligament or something in my right calf from driving for so long yesterday. WTF?!
It's been dark and cold and rainy all day (yes!) but I don't have a comforting place to be in. That's what you need on a day like today.
26 November 2006
don't even ask
The five-hour drive I mentioned yesterday turned into a seven-hour drive from HELL. I know today is a huge travel day, but I hadn't expected traffic in the desert to be crawling at 10 mph. Driving on the freeway really makes me hate almost every single driver on the road, and I tend to lose my faith in humanity. I stopped only once. It was dark for 75% of the drive. It would have been lovely to have had someone with me to talk to and to split the driving with. I only got back about an hour ago. ANYWAY. Photos.
Chickpea-Tomato Soup with Fresh Rosemary, from Orangette.
I attempted to make Greek yogurt.
Inconsistent temperatures led to utter failure. I think an inexpensive yogurt maker is the way to go.
Lovely organic spinach!
Moroccan Chickpea Soup, the same one that Danielle's mom made me the other week. Sooooooo good. It was a chickpea-and-tomato soup kind of week.
I made half a dozen zucchini muffins from Nigella Lawson's How To Be A Domestic Goddess: Baking and the Art of Comfort Cooking I prefer zucchini bread to zucchini muffins for some reason, but my dad loved these for breakfast. They're not vegan but interestingly, the only animal product called for in the recipe was an egg... the other fat was vegetable oil.
The big thing of the week was homemade granola, also from the above cookbook. Rolled oats, almonds, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, honey, brown rice syrup, orange-flavored cranberries, raisins, cinnamon-flavored applesauce, cinnamon, ginger and cardamom.
My mom kept sneaking handfuls as it was cooling down, so the next day I made a whole batch just for her.
My new breakfast.
Thanksgiving morning. The house looked so pretty.
I made Pueblo Corn Pie (basically a vegetarian casserole with pinto beans, corn and tomatoes under a thin layer of cheddar cheese all enveloped in a cornmeal crust). It could have sucked, since I pulled the recipe from a vegetarian website (aka often very sketch). But it wasn't, thankfully.
And that's it. My hair's wet (therefore I'm cold), I'm exhausted, my mouth tastes like stale cereal since I just mindlessly chewed through many handfuls of Shredded Oats, and I want to see light again. All this means I'm going to bed.
25 November 2006
it feels like i'm in a black and white movie
Fuck.
I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I'm kind of done with it for a while, and I'm content to start Christmas break right now.
I did a bit of work in the last few days, but not enough to make me feel any better about the 15-page paper that is looming over my shoulder. I need a complete source list, a thesis, an outline before I can begin feeling hopeful about it. And it's due in less than two weeks! Shit!
Basically, that paper and my Bio final are all that stands between me and four glorious weeks home. I've just got to get my damn stuff together and do it. And as I said today: relatively speaking, my life is pretty peachy. I can think of a thousand ways it could be much worse. When I think like that, I try to stifle my complaining.
I'm also less than enamoured by the idea of driving for five hours tomorrow. The first time in a week is fun, the second is drudgery. No need to speed excessively this time; I don't want to get to school any faster than necessary.
Yesterday I saw two friends from school who were in town for Thanksgiving, today I had lunch with Julia and Andrea, and dinner with Ali. I saw Casino Royale and The Queen. I made three kinds of soup, some zucchini muffins for my dad, granola, and a Pueblo pie as a vegetarian entree for Thanksgiving dinner. I slept in, I read, I ate yogurt every day, I went to the grocery store too many times, I drove, I hung out with my brother and sister, I drank wine, I ate dinner with my parents almost every night, and I didn't go to the gym at all (although I had the honest intention every day, which must count for something). How can school compete with all that?
All I can think about is seeing the same people, hearing the same stories and dramatics about parties and guys and whatever shall I wear, and everyone moaning about the same things. That and my paper. I'm never happy to go back to school. Is this a phase? Is this just how I am? Next semester I'll be taking more interesting classes. BIG SIGH. Only sixteen calendar days left.
I don't want to go to bed because then it will tomorrow sooner.
20 November 2006
three little birds sat on my window
Je suis dans ma maison. C'est magnifique.
Driving at definitely most illegal speeds, I made it home in 4 hours 45 minutes. (I keep pushing my luck, I know, but I have yet to receive a ticket.) Then it was a whirlwind of a vet visit, family supper of Lebanese food, a family trip for ice cream at my sister's insistence, a stop at the mall so she could exchange Rainbows while I was filled in on the high school scene, and finally a dash into Trader Joe's for fruit and yogurt. It's like pulling on a glove - how seamlessly I am sewn back into life here. As I spend more time travelling back and forth between school and home, the strange sensation of suddenly being in one place and not the other - like jumping into a pool after being in a hot tub - is becoming less disturbing. (I think this is due to time, and because I can pull into the driveway, turn off the engine, and be home, instead of enduring a hullabaloo of one flight, two airports and two car rides just to get from A to B. I like the autonomy of transporting myself.) And the desert... oh, I miss the real desert. Southern California isn't a real desert. Here it is warm and calm.
Family is well; I love being with them. It's not my favorite holiday, but I enjoy Thanksgiving. Coming home earlier than planned means I get to see my brother and sister, who leave in two days for sports tournaments. (I find ridiculous this habit of scheduling tournaments during short family-oriented holidays, but I guess it is the American way.) For me, the week holds both schoolwork and lots of fun. Now I'm in my own room, cozy on the bed in a blanket and my toes are warm in socks. J'aime la vie.
18 November 2006
supper told in foods
Oh my gosh. I just had the best supper ever. It was not in the dining hall, just in my room. And now that I think about it, nothing I ate had preservatives or chemicals or anything unnatural in it, a remarkable feat considering the average dorm room food comes in cardboard boxes and plastic wrappers. So what composed this wonderful meal? First, I want to introduce you to three of my new favorite foods. Considering that most of the foods we eat every day are out of ritual or habit, things you were probably first given by your parents or, at least, first introduced into your life during childhood, it's pretty wild that I'm regularly eating three new foods. But then again, I haven't been a "normal" eater for quite a while. (And I apologise for the horrendous lighting).
Unsulphered, unsweetened Granny Smith apple rings. I have never liked apple rings, probably because they were sulphered and sweetened. I picked these up on a whim the other day, and you can tell that I really don't like them. They are absolutely orgasmic upon first opening the bag, but these soft, chewy, sweet yet tart little things get only a little bit less soft with each successive opening. I went to TJ's yesterday to pick up apple cider and these apple rings for a friend, and they were out of both! I was extremely worried (overexaggerating only a bit here) that an apple crisis had befallen Trader Joe's, and that I wouldn't have enough apple rings to satisfy me on my long drive home in a few days. I went back today, and impatiently darted through the packed store to find their usual aisle, past the flowers, vitamins, juice, soup, and... there they were, piled high in pride. Thank the LORD. (I understand that this isn't really "a food" in the sense that it is eaten to nourish and fill you up. But they're still damn good). I'm a dried fruit nut (and a nut nut) in general, and at any given time I have some assortment of raisins, dried cranberries, dried blueberries, pecans, walnuts and almonds on hand. And now I'll always have dried apple rings as well.
Fage Nonfat Greek Yogurt. Honestly, words cannot describe the state of addiction I am currently in with this yogurt. I only started liking plain yogurt a few years ago, after previously being dedicated to the Yoplait preservative-and-sugar filled fruit yogurts. I had relegated plain yogurt in the shriveled-grandma-diet category, and if I remember correctly, it was only at my mother's suggestion coupled with a poignant remark that I'd never actually tried the stuff but was quick to dismiss it. Huge mistake! I love the tartness of American yogurt, and I like the runniness of it, sometimes. But other times, you want a yogurt that is more than thickened milk, but isn't heavy and fatty from whole milk. So here is Fage nonfat Greek Yogurt. Another purchase on a whim a few weeks ago. (It's always a risk, but lately I've been pretty lucky with my whim purchases). Imported from Greece and at $4.59 per 16 ounces, Fage (pronounced FA-yey) costs a pretty penny and it comes with a rather large amount of packaging, always a downfall in my book. (Clear plastic lid, foil cover, plastic lining, and the plastic cup). So why does this stuff have me practically writing it sonnets in my sleep? Because this yogurt has the consistency of sour cream, and is nonfat.
Could there be a more gracious God? And the best part is that plain yogurt is so good for you. The only small negative is the flavor - it is much milder than American plain yogurt and basically tastes like creamy air. Some people like this, but I miss the traditional tartness, and plain Greek yogurt just doesn't cut it. So I have to add something to it - fresh berries when they're in season, or honey, and sometimes dried fruit and nuts. I've been eating two servings of yogurt a day, at breakfast and later for dessert. When I'm home next week I'm going to make Greek yogurt from scratch to see how successful I am at reproducing it. Buying imported food isn't really in line with my philosophy of food purchasing, and it would be much cheaper if I could make it myself. In college without my own kitchen, though, this is pretty impractical. Hmmmm. It's an evolving process.
Trader Joe's soups in asceptic containers have been saving my life lately. This isn't really a "new food", since I've been eating soup forever, but this is the first time in my life that I've been eating soup almost every day. Generally the soup I ate as a kid was the occasional bowl of British Heinz tomato soup (with toasted buttered bread slices to dip in it). I should ask her, actually, but I don't think my mom made much soup from scratch. I'm emerged in a food world very different than the average American, but I would hazard a guess that making soup from scratch is increasingly rare these days. I love making soup, and if I had a freaking kitchen I would make it every day. Trader Joe's sells about six kinds of organic soup in asceptic containers, and none of them contain preservatives or chemicals or anything unnatural. The ones I remember off the top of my head are Creamy Tomato, Butternut Squash and Apple, Carrot and Ginger, Tomato and Roasted Pepper, Vegetable Bisque Medley, and Sweet Potato Bisque. The only negative is that they contain quite a bit of sodium, but in the rest of my diet I consume almost no salt so I figure the salt in soups is not too excessive. And each container holds three hearty or four smallish portions. These are now a mainstay inside the door of the mini-fridge I share with my roommates. It's a joy to eat soup every day, although they still don't hold a candle to homemade ones.
Goat cheese and I are very new acquaintances. I've had it here and there in my life on salads and things at restaurants, but always unknowingly and the curious flavor had me wondering what it was I just ate. A few months ago when I was learning about raw milk and alternatives to cow's milk, goat's milk floated up and I spent time learning about the different compositions of goat vs. cow's milk. That invariably lead to cheese, and since I couldn't find lowfat goat's milk anywhere, I settled on trying goat cheese (known as chevre, the french word for goat). I bought a 5 oz. package, and savored it one ounce at a time over a month or so. I only ate it with good bread, which I don't have often. I even crumbled a bit into tomato soup, feeling quite thrilled to be trying something so sophisticated. Chevre cheese in soup? Oooh la la. I'm in love with the unique flavor of goat cheese, and the creamy pieces that peel off the knife. I bought this package today, along with some good bread.
I'd already decided to have bread and cheese for dinner. I was lucky to find a demi loaf which is half the size of a normal rustic loaf. So I tore a chunk of bread into small pieces on which I spread crumbles of goat cheese. In between, I drank spoonfuls of tomato and roasted pepper soup. Later, I had a small apple I bought at the San Clemente Farmers Market, and then made this for dessert.
A yogurt parfait, with a scoop of yogurt, a sploodge of honey, and a sprinkling of pecans and dried blueberries, repeated three times. It tasted as delicious as it looks. And now I am a very happy girl.
17 November 2006
what do you know?
Five Things You Probably Don't Know About Me
13 November 2006
i wouldn't trade old leroy or my chevrolet for your escalade
I'm constantly petrified that places I love or places I really want to visit will be obliterated before I get to be there again. And then whenever I finally am, I'm in complete amazement that I'm actually here, not there, but it's still there even if I'm not there. For some reason I can't completely wrap my head around the idea that these places will remain in the same location, relatively unchanged, throughout my lifetime and that time and money are all that is needed. Sometimes it's even hard to imagine that life is going on outside of your immediate radius - we just have to know that it is. So weird.
I typed the words "these cells divide mitotically" for a lab write-up, and Word underlined the last word as incorrectly spelled and suggested "mitotic ally". You, my friend, are my mitotic ally. We go in peace.
I'm in library to study, a rare event... not me studying, but me being in the library for more than five seconds to find a book. Sometimes I'd rather just not bother with the idea of finding a parking spot when I get back that I often don't go out to a coffee shop more than once a day. If I go to two places, I go back-to-back. But the wonderful and tragic thing about being in the library versus Starbucks is that I have internet access in the library, which is a fine distractor from all the homework I need to do. But I must pat myself on the back because I did the bulk of my lab write-up two nights before the due date instead of the night before, which is generally my style... and I did my pre-lab and finished The Glass Castle tonight instead of leaving some work for tomorrow morning. So go me! I'm getting better at making small incremental changes in certain areas of my life, which in turn slows the progress but increases the chance that my behavior will actually change permanently.
I've been tossing around course options since the Spring 2007 course schedule finally appeared last week. I think I'm going to take French in the spring here, and then take Intermediate I and II over both summer sessions at ASU so I will be ready for Advanced French next fall... and then I will be eligible to study abroad in Paris for second semester of junior year! The program requires two years of college-level French and this way is the only way I can squish that much French into my life before the spring of 2008. I was originally just going to take French in the summer and do enough to complete the graduation requirement to free up a class in my schedule, but the thought of a) just doing the bare minimum of a language when I've always known that languages are important and sacred to me and b) having to limit my study abroad options to those with English-speaking programs, thus enhancing the chance that my fellow students will be there to drink and party, encouraged me to re-work my schedule so now I have the opportunity to become fluent. And Paris! There are days when I stop and wonder what I'd be doing if I were there now. I read several blogs by people who live in Paris, and their words about the city always tug at my wandering spirit. It would be a dream if I could even spend one semester living in a studio apartment filled with fresh flowers, cooking omelets, speaking French to the vendors at the Farmers Market and drinking coffee with friends at eleven pm at a sidewalk cafe.
I have a fifteen-page research paper due on December 5th. That is only twenty days away! Wow, that is actually frighteningly soon. I've read one-and-a-half books for it so far, and I'm getting a shipment of memoirs tomorrow or Wednesday which will hopefully be used in the bulk of my paper. I just know that if I don't do much now, Thanksgiving will come and go in a flash, suddenly it will be December 1st and I'll have a legitimate panic attack and my airways will seal up in terror of the prospect of churning out fifteen pages of hastily-written crap while having to study for my massive Biology final on which I need to do decently or else I have to take science again which would mean the death of God and all things holy. There is a way to prevent this situation from becoming unpleasant... now let's get to it.
12 November 2006
like the desert waiting for the rain
I woke up on Friday knowing that I couldn't stay here this weekend. I've been toying with the idea of staying at Danielle's house for a weekend since I'm so close, have a car, and her mom even suggested this fabulous idea when I visited in the summer. A few days staying at a cozy home by the sea sounded like a perfect remedy. So I called Danielle's mom to get the OK, went to class, came back and packed, ate lunch, dashed off a note to my roommates, and then hightailed it to the freeway, down to San Clemente. Even with some traffic on a holiday weekend, it only took an hour. I headed straight for the beach.
I walked next to the railroad to get to a more secluded part of the beach, and suddenly a train wooshed past me.
I lay a towel down on the sand, wrapped another one around myself (it was windy), lay down and exhaled.
It was such a beautiful day! A few older couples had the same idea as me.
Then I walked down the beach until the tide rose... and the sun was setting, so I left to finally settle down.
I was warmly welcomed by Danielle's mom, (tied with Mrs. Bell for the title of second-favorite mom in the world) collapsed on the sofa and hung out with Angie, watching her Tivo-ed episodes of Laguna Beach. She told told me which of the girls she had seen in real life, and found out that "they're really not that pretty" (I figured as much). Later, Danielle's parents took me out to dinner at the Fisherman's Wharf, where I had swordfish, rice pilaf and grilled vegetables. Ohmigosh. I came back to their house, watched Bridget Jones' Diary, read in bed for a while and slept better than I have in weeks.
The next morning, I slept in quite late and found Angie patiently waiting for me and ravenous for crepes. I drove the two of us to an adorable little crepe place by the beach that is a favorite of Danielle and Angie. We ordered coffee to start, and talked about high school and parents and driving and boys. (Note the amazing latte art on Angie's cup). The crepes came (I had one with orange cream, a slice of Brie and oranges) and we civilly devoured them.
Then I dropped her off at the house and drove to Laguna Beach.
I was trying to find the Laguna Art Museum, but failed miserably. This was fine because it was a nice, cloudy, wrap-up-in-a-sweater day, and I just drove along the PCH almost up to Newport Beach.
I really liked these trees.
Back in Laguna, I had a bite to eat at The Stand, a vegan cafe/shack that I went to in July with Julia and Andrea. You could see the ocean from where I was sitting.
I had a relaxing afternoon back at the house, and for dinner Danielle's mom made her famous Moroccan Spiced Chickpea Soup served with pieces of toasted wheat baguette. This soup is sooooo delicious it's almost infathomable. I watched Mission: Impossible 3 with Danielle's dad, and we joked about Tom Cruise being a robot. I retired to "my" (Danielle's) bedroom early, and had a lovely, peaceful evening reading The Glass Castle (for a class) in bed.
This morning I woke up, had breakfast and said goodbye to and profusely thanked everyone for letting me stay for the weekend. Danielle's mom sent me off with a bag of food, including some of the soup, the baguette, and pumpkin muffins she baked this morning.
I drove into town to stop by the Farmers Market to replenish my empty fruit bowl, took one last wistful look at the ocean, and then grudgingly headed over to the freeway.
Both times that I've returned to school after being away, I'm never very thrilled to come back. Oh well, at least Thanksgiving break is in only nine days.
08 November 2006
the only way to beat it
Well, the election results are promising. A lot of people here are completely psyched for the Democrats to take over and turn everything around... but I'm a bit more grounded than that. It's easy to forget that today isn't the first election in this country and it isn't the first time a party has wrested control from the other. There will still be problems and arguments and taxes, just veiled by a different cause. Also, I think it is common for liberal college students to hail the Democrats as saviors and all Republicans as evil, heartless people. Actually, most Democrats and Republicans are pretty similar. There are little tweaks here and there, but almost everyone wants to feel protected, use a savings account, be amongst people they love and be able to do what they want. I think it's naive to throw labels around. But it is exciting that there will be a new wave to ride for a while. I hope it produces all it is expected to.
My Psychology test that is supposed to be tomorrow afternoon has been postponed until Tuesday! I just found out, and this is thrilling since I was about to crack open my textbook and get this shizz under my belt. I have had a good amount of work to do from Sunday through today, so it's nice to not have another day of pressure. Now I have a few extra days to leisurely peruse the meanings of "transvestite" "classical conditioning" and "motivation". I'm doing swimmingly in Psych, and in Core too, so that's something to be happy about. And the course schedule for next semester is finally online, so I've been piecing together the puzzle and I'm going to have an exciting and busy second semester as... a History major! That's right, I've finally decided.
School, school, school. Some people care so much about it. I'm thinking of the crazy people in Biology, particularly the freshmen. Just chill out, guys! I've noticed that many of the girls pull their hair SO tightly into a ponytail... that's not good for the pores, or the brain.
Now I have the luxury of deciding what to do with the rest of the night. I've been on-campus 24/7 for the last few days, by choice, after a week of being restless... but now it's time to hit up a coffee shop again, and do some reading.
05 November 2006
my heart is brimming
Wow, so far my day has been brilliant. I "slept in" until 9am (in my room, that's late), put on a cute skirt and top and traipsed down with my new basket to the Farmers Market in the Village. I bought organic apples and pears, sat on a bench and watched everything for a few minutes, and then walked back to campus. At 11am eight of my friends gathered in the lobby of my dorm and we drove over to my favorite cafe for brunch, where luckily there was enough room for the staff to pull together three tables so we could sit together. Everyone ordered, and when the final amount was less than I had anticipated I encouraged people to order coffee or to save room for a dessert. The boys who work at the register on the weekends (and recognize me since I'm there so often) talked and joked with me, and generously filled up my coffee mug with refills. Joe, the owner, brought out Portuguese cheese and chorizo to nibble on while we waited. The food came out pretty quickly - there were orders for french toast with strawberries and whipped cream, vegetarian omelets with fruit, panini sandwiches and one salad. I really wanted everything to be excellent, and it was. Then Joe came out singing Happy Birthday with homemade bread pudding and a cup of brandy (for me!), and everyone turned to look at me and I got embarrassed and probably turned red. The cake was passed around and the smart girls took a forkful. I drank the brandy like a good English woman, and all my friends seemed happy and full, and we took pictures, and it was wonderful. As we were walking to the car, Joe stopped me and handed me a small bottle of Portuguese wine ("even though you're only 19, this is okay"). Considering that I was expecting a low-key birthday, I have had a fabulous and joyous weekend. Phew! Now, back to work.
And last night:
04 November 2006
they say it's your birthday
So I'm 19. Like 15 and 17, it's kind of a filler year between two grand ages. But hey, you only get to be 19 once, right? Perhaps this will be a great year for me.
My momma called me early this morning, so I got to wake up to her pleasant voice. She sent me a beautiful package on Thursday that I opened today, full of fun, polka-dot wrapped bits and bobs as well as a homemade cake (of which I've eaten three pieces! Ah!) My friends have been so sweet, dropping by with cards and gifts, and thanks to Facebook, long-lost friends have said hello, and I got to talk on the phone with Julia and Andrea too. It's just been so much!
I had lunch at my favorite cafe here while doing some reading for Core. The cafe is owned by a older Portuguese couple with thick accents, and the owner Joe walks around every day and asks everyone how the food is (it's incredible). He's adorable, and shakes my hand and smiles whenever I'm there (which is very often). I learned that it is his birthday today too and he's exactly fifty years older than me. He hugged me and brought me a little coconut cake. "You married? Boyfriend? I have a son... is 26 too old for you?"
I went for a run at sunset which always makes me feel good. I'm going to see Marie Antoinette (again) tonight and I'm treating the girls to brunch tomorrow morning.
After I had a small anxiety attack after my Biology exam yesterday, I drove to Pasadena and had lunch at a Tibetan restaurant. I've had really good experiences with Tibetan restaurants and people, and this place was no exception. I sipped Tibetan tea and stuffed myself at the buffet, and the owner and I chatted about life and college and the Nepalese language. Then I felt the desire to see the ocean, so I drove to Malibu. After spending half an hour trying to find free parking on the side of the road, I just pulled over, not caring anymore, and walked down a small, quiet stretch of sand as the sun set. I forgot to bring my camera which was a huge pity because it was one of the most gorgeous sights in my life. I'll be there again soon.
God, why is my life so good? I don't deserve all this.
1:18 a.m. Twenty minutes after I wrote this, Alissa turned off the lights and all my friends came in singing Happy Birthday with a cake! A beautiful decadent chocolate cake, and I cut everyone (except the two who pathetically declined) a piece and we sat around listening to music and talking. All that was missing was wine... maybe tomorrow? And then on the way to the movie with Carolyn, Tyler called, my love Tyler, whom I miss very much, and I told him excitedly about my great day, and I really wished he were here. And then after the movie ended, Carolyn and I walked back to my dorm, pulled out the cake from the fridge, and sat in the hallway eating bits of frosting with our fingers. Today has been so fun. I'm way too lucky.
03 November 2006
so nothing really matters in the end
I attended a talk by Marjane Satrapi at the Athenaeum last night. We read her memoir Persepolis in my Core class last month, and she has intrigued me since then. Her speech was very good, and one thing she said stuck with me. I don't remember her exact words, but she said something along the lines of, "Being in California, I can't say this here, but the times I have spent smoking a cigarette has been some of the happiest times in my life. So if I die because I smoked everyday for fifty years, well then, I say good, so be it. I will be happy to die because of doing something I really loved. Nowadays you say smoking and the first thing people say is "cancer". Eating? Cholesterol. Making love? AIDS. Drinking? Alcoholism. But before all that, there was just the pleasures of drinking, smoking, eating, and making love, and I will do all of these things until I die."
Love her!
01 November 2006
the first, again, a relief
The first of November! I love November. I even love the word 'November'. No-VEM-bur. Nova. New. The claustrophobic twenties are over for another twenty days and we're back to wholesome single digits for a bit.
I really can't afford to not be doing homework right now since I have a Psychology "paper" due tomorrow and a huge Biology exam on Friday, but my day has been so good and this is because I've consciously chosen to spend a few hours of my time doing a few things that make me very happy. I know that if I'm not happy, it doesn't matter how much I study, the unhappiness will seep over and I won't have peace in my life, even if I'm completely well versed in the processes of transcription and translation in relation to gene regulation and expression. I'm trying to find a balance there. Today I woke up first with the relief that Halloween is finally over. I feel like it's been Halloween since last Friday night, since the weekend was the big Halloween party and then last night was more drunken revellery (not with myself participating, but I was still subject to the fliers and conversations and Halloween-store traffic). Go away Halloween! Good bye! Last night I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend and for several hours I had to involuntarily experience many memories and emotions tossed out of the chest in which they had been neatly packed away. What is up with me and dreams lately? I swear I'm having a weird relationship with the Earth's biorhythms or something. I collected from the library (which always feels like such a big endeavor) the last half of my books for my final project, and for the first time in my entire life I waited for someone in the aisle to be done looking at a section of books (and she took her dear sweet time amassing quite a few of them) only to realize that she was in the section about eating disorders and had actually taken a book I had wanted! Of course I'm used to not finding books I'd wanted to find, but if I'd gotten to that spot five minutes earlier I would have snagged this in-demand book, and now I have to get it through the Los Angeles County Public Library System. And it was a memoir, too, and I'm not only writing a paper about women and food but it has to be focused on autobiography, and therefore I need several memoirs and first-hand accounts and not just ten books about women and food. I had Bio lab this afternoon which sucks away three to four precious hours doing things like seeing if my DNA has the ALU allele (I'm heterozygous for it) and examining germinating spores under a microscope. Fascinating stuff, let me tell you. And then I decompressed by spending a wonderful hour in the room next door, eating Amy's Alphabet Soup and giving Leia a massage while teasing her about "resting her eyes" all day in bed, and it was completely wonderful after a week of being alone all day with work. I did start finishing off my self-imposed Bio chapter review and then went to a Bio review session in the Science Center, so that counts as studying... but then I watched a screening of "The Future of Food", a documentary about genetically engineered food. Of course, it involved something about which I'm passionate, and afterwards we stumbled over to the Grovehouse and I sipped coffee while talking about what the fuck we're supposed to eat now. And now I'm curled up on my bed, writing this and not doing more Biology review. I sit in Biology and as my professor lectures, I think, "What the crap is all this?" I just don't care enough about these miniscule systems, no matter how important they are. I didn't even know that any of this stuff existed until two weeks ago, and everyone around me is entranced and asking questions about possible things that I can't even fathom. Why, how would you ever think of that? I can't even fathom half the questions on the exams! God help me if I pull off a C.
I really, really love soup. I love that the weather now is perfect for bowls of soup. Leia told me today that because of this, I'm a closet Jew.