24 October 2009
why does hair take so long to grow?
[Excerpts from an email.]
----
I am employed. I've been validated as an intelligent human being. I gained employment in a recession where apparently the number of unemployed college graduates outnumbers unemployed high school dropouts, and the unemployment rate for our age range is something like 40%. And really, in the end, it was all kind of a fluke. A few days before my planned return to Arizona for good I found a well-written, vague but interesting little Craigslist ad for an Assistant/Project Coordinator at a gift and invitation studio in LA, so I replied to it and less than twelve hours later she emailed me asking me to come in for a ten-minute "interview". I made the first cut and was called back to work several full days (doing difficult things like perfectly stamping custom Bar Mitzvah invitations worth $50 each, aligning postage stamps in perfect 1/4" x 1/4" alignment, taping this to that, this to that, this to that...) all the while competing with one other candidate (who worked the days of the week I didn't). And then, after much waiting and hoping and finally simply asking her to tell me whether I would be moving to LA or moving home (this job was the pin on which my future turned).... she told me congratulations, I was hired. So now I am, amazingly, working. And that is the first step. I'm working in a very small company with room for learning new things and skills and expanding my position's duties. There is no one to worry about taking over my job from me; I am the bottom rung. And I'm not a snob; I don't mind being a glorified secretary for now. The women I work with are great. I have my own desk and phone and computer and printer. I work 10am - 5pm and have a paid lunch, and once I'm settled in the apartment my hours are being extended to 5:30 (an extra $20 a week! yes!) And I can wear whatever I want. So what do I do? Whatever they need me to do. It's also a bit different every day, which is nice. For example, this week I: paid invoices over the phone, helped re-arrange the room and do a massive cleaning, looked through catalogs to find dance-related invitations for an eight year old, folded up a hundred T-shirts and sweatshirts, made labels, requested invoices from companies to reconcile an American Express bill, broke down boxes, signed for FedEx packages, opened mail, and re-organized paper by color and put it in the newly dusted off paper shelf. I know the company is capable of making enough money to have five full-time employees and if I stick around long enough the recession itself will recede and I will be good enough at my job to command a higher salary. Or maybe I'll be ready to move on. But for the time being, I'd rather be making $9 an hour there than in a coffee shop wearing a uniform and working with high school kids, or as a secretary in a law firm wearing pantyhose and stifling all that creativity - and those tattoos - I have.
But it was still a hard week. Apart from the stress of adjusting to a new job and remembering a million details, I'm still living with Kevin in his dorm room in Claremont until November 1st, when the lease to the apartment (keep reading) begins. Thus, I'm commuting eighty miles round-trip every day, which takes an hour and a half and means I'm away from Claremont for almost twelve hours a day. I board three transit vehicles: the Metrolink train to Union Station in LA (50 min), the Purple metro (subway) line to Wilshire & Western (13 min) and then a Rapid bus to Wilshire & La Brea (10 min). Getting there isn't a problem because it is all timed, but going home must be timed perfectly, because if I don't catch the bus by about 5:25 and traffic is bad on Wilshire I might just miss the 5:40 metro to Union Station and will thus miss the 6pm train. (Once I caught the bus around 5:32 and missed the 5:40 metro by two minutes, and then missed the 6pm train by three minutes, and had to wait an entire hour for the 7pm and got home at 8. It was tragic). The evening is a speedy blur of food, a downloaded television show and a collapse into bed. I live out of a duffel bag and shower in a bathroom used by four college guys. The only personal space I have is half the bed and the top of one of Kevin's speakers for my laptop. I eat the same six things each day for five days in a row and write down everything I spend so I can fill out the supercool Monthly Budget Record my dad gave me. My commute is three hours each day and costs more than driving ($75 a week by train versus about $50 a week by car), but it takes the same amount of time as if I were driving, and the reduced stress and wear and tear on my car, not to mention supporting public transit in the world's most car-dependent city is worth it all, in my opinion. Yes, I could stay with Eva - it's only a 20-minute drive to my work from her apartment but I don't believe there is anywhere to park overnight without receiving a sweet $50 parking ticket. And honestly, it's nice to have some semblance of routine in my life, and my temporary Claremont-to-LA life has that. Anyway, there's only one more week left before we get the keys to the apartment, and then everything changes. Speaking of, I haven't mentioned the apartment. In between all of this mania Eva and I managed to find an apartment we liked and could afford, and as of yesterday the documents are signed and deposit paid. It's a cute, cozy two-bedroom on Allison Street, perched on a hill in Echo Park, a funky, mixed neighborhood near the hip, indie mecca of Silver Lake and also near cheap Mexican food. We live down the road from Echo Park Lake, and are situated just north of Downtown so we are not far from the freeway system or the train. There shall be some sort of move process wherein I'll fly to Phoenix and drive out with my parent(s) in a UHaul full of furniture and the things I've lived without for six months... but the details are hazy. All I can say is I am ready to have my own place, especially after the rather harrowing process I am almost done with.
There was a point (around June) where I had a sweet nostalgia for college, but there is no going back. Once you leave, it becomes a luxurious, privileged memory. There is a someecards graduation card that reads, "Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life". I can see how some people miss it and yearn for the days of red cups and dining halls, little responsibility and a calendarially structured life decided for you three years in advance by the Board of Directors. But even though this is so much harder than college, it is also far more rich. Especially this week, during the hours I spent on public transit I had some of the deepest thoughts I've had in ages, about society, communitarianism, transit, travel, urban structures and social class. I've been approached and talked to by strangers more times this week than I was in the four years I spent in college (and none of the encounters were solicitors or homeless people). I used to worry that the routine I so loved from college would be nonexistent in "the real world"... but I've already created my own temporary one for living in Claremont and working in the city. I'll create another when I move to Echo Park in a week. I've figured out my commute from the apartment to work via a local bus to Downtown, the Purple line to Wilshire & Western and the Rapid bus to La Brea. The familiar faces I loved from breakfast in Mudd's dining hall and evening studying in Platt will be replaced by the Muslim man with the turban who always rides the 10:03 to La Brea with me and the girl with the gorgeous half-sleeve tattoo who works at the coffee shop in the mornings. And coming home to a "home", not a dorm room, and making my own meals like a human being and not having homework to do or tests to study for? Priceless.
16 October 2009
i'm going to have a party
So I am officially employed! The position I was being considered for (mentioned in my last post) ended up being a good match and after working under observation for two full days and two half-days, I was hired! I start extremely soon, on Monday. I will be working for a design studio in Los Angeles that specializes in custom invitations and corporate gifts, and with only three other employees - the founder/owner, a creative director, and a graphic designer - it is a very small business. My title is officially Project Coordinator, and I will primarily be assisting my boss with order details and project research, as well as being the general office assistant. The pay is non-negotiably incredibly low - in fact, it's actually an unlivable wage - and I'm going to have to get a second, part-time job (I'm thinking the early shift at a coffee shop or bakery) just to break even each month, but apart from salary (and my boss indicated that it will increase as business improves) I think this job is going to be a positive and interesting experience. I love that the staff is entirely female; it's like a rendezvous of smart, savvy, beautiful, creative women running a business together and making it work. I also love that the office is casual and I can wear whatever I want: jeans, dresses, boots, scarves, sweaters... no grey skirts or pantyhose necessary. [During the ten weeks I spent job searching and interviewing I realized how much I dislike traditional office clothes. I, like most people, am so much more comfortable, happy and productive when I'm wearing what I feel good in. Apart from being uncomfortable and unflattering, wearing a business skirt suit and heels actually feels wrong to me. Perhaps I will never be able to live on the East Coast.] I also love that there is room to grow within the business, that I will get hands-on experience and will learn Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator. First jobs are often just a job that helps you figure out what you like and don't like, but it would be wonderful to actually somewhat enjoy work and feel valued. Perhaps I speak too soon, but I think this is a position with actual potential. And my relationship with Kevin is fantastic and a great source of happiness, so being near him is simply important. I am extremely glad we don't have to do the long-distance thing again -- this summer was hard enough.
The first week is officially "temp to hire" to make sure both my boss and I are happy with the fit, although having worked there for approximately twenty hours already I don't think (and will be surprised and confused if) this will be an issue, and I'll become a permanent employee on October 26th. I'm so looking forward to having things to do, responsibilities to keep, my own desk and computer, and most of all, a daily and weekly routine for the first time since April. The studio is on Wilshire Boulevard in an area known as Miracle Mile, and I couldn't be happier with the location. (My favorite parts of LA are the areas with tall buildings, high pedestrian density and smaller, older streets.) So this very moment I am home in Arizona for the weekend, sitting on the sofa at home in Arizona (watching Real Time with Bill Maher) in order to have some maintenance done on my car, as well as give it a much-needed wash along with a thorough cleaning of the interior tomorrow (think shampooing the seats... seriously. I've never had that done before, but my Dad declared it time). The other reason for coming home, other than to have my own space for a few days and give Kevin's roommate a break from our relationship, is to pack an extra-large duffel bag with warm clothes. I have been crashing with Kevin in Claremont for so long (since September 2nd, minus a few short trips home and a few nights with Eva in the city) that the seasons changed and this week I was stuck in wet, cold Los Angeles wearing sundresses when I needed coats and jeans... or at least skirts and long-sleeves.
And the next phase of this process? Finding an apartment. Now that the job is (mostly) secure it is a lot easier to factor in work location and budget to find a place to live. Conveniently, my best friend Eva was employed a few weeks ago by a real estate company whose office is down the street from mine, and our idealistic plan for me to find a job before November and then move in together is actually, amazingly, panning out. So we are apartment hunting for the next two weeks and need to move in by November 1st, when her month subletting a room ends. Until then I'm going to continue hopping between Kevin's dorm room in Claremont and Eva's apartment in West Hollywood. Two or three nights at each is a good balance, and apart from the perpetual parking issue in LA I can put up with living out of a suitcase for two more weeks. (When I am in Claremont I can take public transport to work - the train, metro and then the bus - which will take the same amount of time (1.5 hours) as commuting on the freeway, and is cheaper and less stressful with no parking woes). And after these two weeks (coinciding nicely with my birthday on November 4th), I can't wait to have a room that is all mine that has a queen-sized bed and a door with a lock. Sometimes I can't believe I actually did it: crash with other people for over two months while trying to find a job in a city where I know almost no one. And it was fucking hard sometimes, and I had more than one breakdown. Spending as little money as possible, having absolutely no space or privacy with my life stuffed into a few bags on the floor, feeling like a burden and a nuisance in someone else's space, trying to put forth a positive image for potential employers and being ready at a moment's notice for interviews and meetings all while trying to stay optimistic during the most demoralizing process that exists in the transition to adulthood... seriously. And I was this close to moving home; if I didn't get this job I would have driven home yesterday preparing to live here for the foreseeable future. I won't really believe I managed it until next weekend is here and my job is secure and I'm living in an apartment with furniture and food in the fridge and making enough money to not panic about finances every night... but this week I finally cleared the tallest hurdle. I'm not happy about the tight financial situation I will be in for the next year or so, but being employed and independent in Los Angeles and making it work as a twentysomething post-college... it is what I hoped for, and am thrilled to be accomplishing, slowly.
I'm sure there are other more trivial and fun things to mention... but I'm unable to gather them in one place right now. Maybe next month.
09 October 2009
and this week...
Jobs I would (well, might) like to have
Graphic designer Journalist Coffee shop proprietor Therapist (Marital, Family, Sex) Career Counselor Architect
Tangentially related is the fact that I am apparently still an INTJ. I took the official test at the Career Center at Scripps last week and was pretty much the same as when I took the unofficial test online several years ago. I show only a slight preference for 'N' and 'T' and in this is reflected the struggle I feel in life between planning and spontaneity, emotions and justice. I'm still wholly a 'J', and somewhat an 'I'. And what does all this tell me? Not much more than I already knew.
A few days after my current life plan and decision to live at home for a while (see October 2nd), something popped up here, of course. So now I'm in the running for a job (officially "Assistant Project Coordinator", unofficially "Office Bitch") at a gift and invitation studio in Los Angeles. I spent some time working there on Thursday afternoon to get a feel for the place and am going back on Monday for a full day. I don't know how many candidates I'm against and the pay is completely terrible, but I liked the place so... we'll see.
07 October 2009
latex
Check out this interesting article on female condoms. I didn't really know there even were female condoms, other than diaphragms. Are diaphragms just a type of female condom? Be sure to read the Flickr photostream link and the comments section as well.
05 October 2009
ooooh, a project
Finally, a way to recycle all those plastic grocery store bags that accumulate when I repeatedly forget to bring my own.
02 October 2009
all in due time
Wow, was September tumultuous or what? Never in one place for more than seven days, subsisting on starches and cheese, experiencing intense lows and normal highs back-to-back, feeling continuously anxious to move forward and thus being unable to enjoy the present, however unpleasant it sometimes can feel.
I love October. I love all the 'o's in the word, I love the beginning of fall, I love the nearing of the end of one year and the beginning of another, I love all things cinnamon and nutmeg and cloves. My horoscope for the month intrigues me and I'll be interested to see if it corresponds to my life. I'm always a bit skeptical, but I find a grain of truth in astrology.
So I've been unemployed since August 21st: five weeks. It doesn't sound that long but it's been ages since I've felt purposeful. I spent September flitting between Phoenix and Los Angeles, all the while applying for jobs in Los Angeles with a hopelessly low rate of success. I was more content in Los Angeles because I was near Kevin and friends, but less comfortable and more anxious because I was without a home base. Living in Kevin's dorm room eventually induced minor tensions between the forced proximity of his lovely roommate and our relationship, along with general feelings of crampedness and cabin fever and it became clear that I was approaching the end of my stay with Kevin. I've also become quite sick of being on a college campus; the more I'm in "the real world" the less I can relate to the college life. These kids have no idea what life outside the bubble is, and having nobody to relate to is difficult. The question then becomes: Where to stay? With friends or rent a room? How much will it cost? How long will I have to commit? How much do I have to earn per hour to afford it? How quickly can I get that job? Getting a $30,000 a year entry-level job is hard enough, but getting even a minimum wage job in this economy isn't a piece of cake either. Job opportunities that did present themselves were either far too underpaid or too part-time or temporary. And then came the deeper questions: Is this worth it? Would I be marginally happy living that life? What are the positives and negatives, and where is the line drawn? What are my other options? What is most important to me right now?
And I've come up with this:
Living at home in Phoenix for 3-6 months is the scenario that makes the most sense right now. Yes, home means no friends near by, less independence, the perception that my life is on hold, and the continued theme of long-distance driving to maintain relationships. But it also means a home (and its perks, and in the life analysis I wrote earlier I came up with delicious food, HD and TiVo, good water pressure in the shower, an amazingly comfortable bed and a guaranteed parking spot), my lovely sister to hang out with, gorgeous weather for the next six months, and (most importantly) the ability to work a low-paying job and save money (which cannot happen in LA). My immediate goals for the next six months are:
Those goals are best achieved if I'm based in Phoenix for the winter and spring. I do not want to be there past May, and that is an unofficial deadline I've set myself. But even if I don't have a real job by then, I'll at least have funds to perform a legit job search that doesn't involve crashing into someone's life to get mine going. Furthermore, undergoing a job search has helped me realize that I don't know what kind of job I want. I don't have a definitive career in mind. I don't have a clue as how to get there, and grappling in the dark (and bumping into tables and stubbing my toe in the process) for whatever I can get seems like a waste of energy. I'm meeting (soon to be talking on the phone) weekly with a career counselor at Scripps, whose services I can use for free for one year after graduation, and we are going to explore my interests and skills to isolate some general fields. It seems like something I should have done years ago, and I have a feeling I am going to end up doing something totally unrelated to politics and government... probably being a therapist or owning my own business. I do know I don't like (1) being bossed or bossing others, (2) vertical hierarchy, (3) egos, drama or taking things too seriously. Something makes me think working in a public affairs office isn't in my future. But we'll see.reduce anxiety and uncertainty in my life intern somewhere (if possible) to gain transferrable skills work full-time to pay off credit card debt and... ...save at least $5,000 start exercising again on a regular schedule
I'm glad I came to this conclusion after a month of trying out the alternative and realizing its limitations and the strain on my sanity, rather than being forced by others. Searching for a job is exhausting and taxing and demoralizing. An unfortunate side effect of having a private college education was the general institutional perception that our life choices make us more special than other people and life will simply be easier/better/nicer. I didn't believe this wholeheartedly, but after years of conditioning and pep talks and hearing "yes, yes, yes" all the time, it's hard to think in the real-world frame of mind... which I have now experienced, and am wiser for it. Moving home because I realize it is a wise idea at this point in time makes the decision much easier. Kevin and I spent the summer apart, and we got through that, and I don't foresee this being any harder. My friends are all "figuring their lives out" also, so I'm not alone, and in some ways proximity doesn't necessarily make friendships any stronger if you don't have the time or resources to be together much. And I need time. This isn't a race or a game. I'm incredibly lucky to have what I have. I don't know which of the current factors in my life will still be present in six months - and that includes my relationships, life goals, directions and beliefs - and I accept that.
It feels good to make a smart decision. The negatives and externalities will sort themselves out, and things will be okay. I am looking forward to some consistency in my life.