the fig and flower

25 February 2008

scrambled

Where to start?

I bought my first pair of boots on Friday. They are Franco Sartos and are gorgeous. I am in love with them, and want to wear them all the time.

They're perfect with skirts, which is all I wear anyway. They only have 2-inch heels, which is important when you're already 5'9. I still feel kind of strange wearing them to class since the 5Cs are really, really laidback in terms of unofficial dress code and I don't want to be "that Scripps girl who wears scarves and boots". I already wear enough skirts and earrings. But they're fun for dinner and running errands and have already gotten lots of compliments and basically make me feel like a vixen.

I've been becoming friends with several guys lately. This is so newsworthy, I know! It's kind of weird, since I met them all about the same time. Last month was the month of becoming actual friends with the CMC guys who are dating my Scripps friends, as well as those guys' friends who live with them. Now this is the month of talking to guys I've seen around campus for ages but never befriended. They're all Mudders and range widely on the scale of dorkiness, but they're all sweet, smart and funny and it's nice to have male interaction once in a while to counteract all the women around here. I mostly talk to them when I'm studying over at Mudd's big study lounge, and it's quite fun. It's so enjoyable having guy friends, finally.

The PSICA (Pacific Southwest Intercollegiate Choral Association) Festival was this weekend and our choir traveled 30 minutes to Fullerton to sing for ten minutes and hear eleven other college choirs since for ten minutes each. That turns into a 3.5 hour show, but it was pretty fun. I saw EB Matson there again, like last year. It was almost an all-day affair on Saturday, so I was gone from campus from 4-10:30pm. The bus was late picking us up too, and I was kinda pissed because the rest of my Saturday night was kind of weird. I should have just gone to bed since I was exhausted and hungover from the night before, but I felt like I needed to do at least one fun thing before calling it a night. Anyway, Friday night was bomb. A few of the CMC guys had a joint birthday party in their room and at one point like fifty people were there, spilling out into the hallways. I find that the nights that you don't expect much always end up being the best kind of nights, and vice versa. It was super fun, I talked to lots of people, met a nice guy with whom I played videogames later in Eva's room, and stayed up until 4am. Love love love.

On Saturday, after brunch but before the PSICA thing, I drove my friend Alexis to this fabulous cafe in Pasadena that I discovered last year. She was going to study somewhere anyway and was going to take the bus both ways, but I really wanted her to see this cafe so she got me to drive her and for a few hours we sat cross-legged on couches, listening to crazy South American jazz music and doing homework. It was super fun, and I want to go back. I hadn't been there in probably a year.

Sorry this is kind of all over the place.

My laptop died today, for real. The thing has been teetering on the brink of death for months, maybe years, but it always pulled through in the end, usually after spending a week getting TLC from IBM or my Dad. It was also under warranty until a few months ago, so replacing things like the motherboard, the hard drive and the battery was free and easy to do. Today it just stopped working and won't turn on, and IBM says it will cost $600 to fix. I'm waiting to hear back from my Dad, but I'm pretty sure he'll decide to just get me a new one. If this is the case this will eventually very exciting, but right now it's just an inconvenience. I guess it will keep me from wasting time on the Internet, but now I can't read the New York Times online and I have no way of listening to music and I have lots of documents on there that I access regularly and it's just kind of a pain. But I shouldn't complain... I'm lucky to even own a laptop and there are countless computer labs around campus to use until my situation gets sorted out.

I wrote a paper due today for my Political Economy class in just three hours late last night. It's not the best thing I've ever written, but considering how little I cared about it and how boring the essay question was, I was pretty impressed.

19 February 2008

meh

Just one of those days when you get back into bed in the afternoon and hope to wake up on the right side.

17 February 2008

comparative

I stumbled upon this insightful pair of blog posts called What Women Love About Men, and What Men Love About Women. Reading it is making me feel so happy to be alive, so here are ~~some~~ a lot of my favorite excerpts.

What Women Love About Men:

Men are fun! They're typically stronger than women, both physically and emotionally. Men have a sense of duty that compels them to complete a job they've started. They're typically not quitters. Men have a special zest for life. They're deep brooders. They have a solution to almost every problem. Generally, they have a shoulder that is soft and warm when a woman is in need of it. Men go the extra mile. A man's smile can warm a woman's heart. (A certain man's voice speaks to my soul.) Men have piercing eyes, which is nice when you want to be known but don't want to talk.

Men are funny, both intentionally and unintentionally. I love that they're so serious and such goofballs at the same time.

I like that guys are easy. I may not always be in the mood, but when I am, I know how easy it will be to convince him.

I like it when men are attentive and protective. For example: opening doors, offering to carry heavy things, helping me move, and walking me to my car when it's dark.

I like hairy chests, five o'clock shadows, hard muscles, guy skin, big hands and feet, and musky guy smells. Oh, and strong arms and the back of guy's necks when they have short hair.

I love men because they're little boys who never grow up. The fun is finding that little boy and bringing him back to life.

I like how you rarely hear a man put himself down.

I like a man's confidence and self-assuredness. How some men have never even questioned their dominance or superiority and they assert that in every setting whether others buy into it or not.

Men are typically more bluntly honest than women.

They are also more direct (different thing) about their intentions and desires. Men are rarely catty, and they are easier to talk with.

I love their eyes and their hands. I love that they need women, and I love that they like for us to need them. They're truly so adorable.

I think what I love the most is watching him sleep. Maybe it's the whole watching over him thing that must be genetic.

Their hands. Chest hair. The way they eat.

Their consecutive thought process and present mindedness.

The wonderful way their muscles slide under their skin, even/especially those that are not overly buff. Men are such a wonderful pleasure to watch. To listen to them discussing how logical they are is really funny. To watch them doing their male bonding, swearing, farting, back slapping, name calling rituals is a hoot. Some men can be like a safe harbor. I don't care if a man makes macho to the rest of the world, but I love it when he is caring and considerate of me. I love knowing that he is always stronger then I am and takes great care around me with that strength. Men are such fun. They play hard, work hard, sweat and just remind me of little boys a lot of the time. I prefer men with little or no guile who speak what is on their minds, and are brave enough to say, "I love you".

I like the way men make a woman feel like a woman.

They also often know about stuff that I want to know about, and that has actual value--like how to set up a stereo. They are helpful, practical people who often have both feet on the ground. Nice to know.

Men can build and fix and repair from a view I can't even see. My brain doesn't go there... I admire men who go face the elements and just do it! They have an overview of the world that is so different from my thinking...

I love men. I love deep sexy voices. I really love it when guys are overprotective of their girlfriend or the girl they like.

Male friends have this great brotherly bond with each other that woman just don't have. I feel like even if men ARE competing with each other constantly, it is a constructive, gamely competitiveness. With women, (unless they've been friends for a VERY long time), the competition is always there, even if only slightly, but it isn't a good-time competition like with the men.

They sit quietly and watch us, and a lot of times they think we don't know it, but we do. And we like it.

I love the curve of a man's muscle, the line of the shoulders and arms, the curve from the small of the back swelling out to the buttock. I love men's hands -- strong.

I like the fact that men have to face the world -- that they have to deal with all sorts of problems and pressures. I think I just like PEOPLE who have to do this, but some women can get away with being dependent, and few men can.

Men, when in the company of their best male friends, are funny as hell.

I like we can ask them to open pickle jars if we can't do it, and when they can't do it, they'll stop at nothing until it's open.

What Men Love About Women:

The way women walk. Many women have a certain grace and smoothness to the way they move that men just don't have. Not the ones I know, anyway.

Women are soft.

Hair. Women can do some amazing things with their hair if it's of any decent length. They can wear it up, wear it down, curl it, braid it, stick it in a ponytail, whatever works. How do they do it!?

Different way of seeing the world. Without getting into the whole emotional/logical thing, it is true that women (or at least the ones I know) just see things differently than men. They notice different angles or aspects of a situation that most men will miss, and having women involved on projects (work, church, planning a camping trip, whatever) helps broaden my view.

Women have the best laughs.

Their grace. Ever been in a room full of people and seen a woman enter, in all her almost felineish grace, and have the room collectively hold it's breath?

Their oneness. Women have this beautiful way of being as one with themselves despite the fact that you may be watching or that they may be in a room full of people. They have their own individual way of doing certain little things that makes them unique. A walk, a smile, brushing their hair, taking little bites of a fruit. I could watch for hours and never get bored.

Maternal instinct. At the risk of sounding chauvinistic, all women have it. When you are down or had a bad day or generally feel like shit, they try to make you feel better. Whether its running their fingers through your hair or holding your hand or making you chicken soup. They want to be there for you.

They are smarter than me. Sure, I may know what play to call on a 3rd and long with a minute left to play, but she knows how to make me forget the game is on.

Beauty. The skin, the hair, the legs, the shape. That delicious area behind the ear. The primped hands, the cute toes. The scent.

I like the way women share their vulnerability. They're competitive with each other - that's for sure - but at the same time they are able to openly discuss their frustrations and inadequacies as they try to be good women. Men tend to bury vulnerability - not necessarily in the sense that we consciously hide it, but in the sense that it almost never comes up in conversation.

Don't forget voices. Many women have voices that are almost musical.

The one thing I would add is that they make great friends. Friendship with men can involve mutual sizing up, my thing/car/plane/boat is bigger and better than yours, etc. Women's loyalty is deeper and rests on a foundation of trust and affection.

Finally, they have those magical, mysterious, speaking eyes. Enchantment. Witchery.

Women are beautiful. I don't think there is much greater pleasure than simply drinking in the beauty of a woman.

Women enjoy an increased level of intimacy and depth to all of their relationships. While men can have a deep and intimate relationship, they tend to have very few of them. Women, however, can have many deeper relationships.

Women delight in being cherished. Even the simplest act that shows you care, or shows how much you value them makes a woman happy in a way that is completely like any reaction that I can inspire in a guy.

Women see nuance and subtext far more clearly than men do. They can see through what is being said and into what is being implied far better than most men.

Women like to share. Tell a problem to a man and he will try to fix it, tell one to a woman and she will just share your frustration or worry and help you through it.

There is so much more, but that's probably enough. Women are wonderful creatures; I delight in their presence and mourn in their absence.

After reading the replies to Dean's earlier question, I love the way women like men to be masculine. I love that women are quite capable of checking the oil, killing spiders, mowing the lawn, and opening doors, but that they want men to. I love the way women draw out men's masculinity.

I like it when they're feisty, mighty, even. There is a reason why the Statue of Liberty is a woman. Can anything make your heart pound and rise to battle like an impassioned woman?

Women pick up on subtle things in your voice or expression and understand. Some men are that observant, but not many.

I like their curves, and the little illogical shapes in their design. They got stuff they don't really need, and I kinda like it. Men were designed by a German god, women were designed by an Italian goddess.

I like the way that I haven't a clue about how they think, and that they cannot believe that I'm not thinking about anything when I say I'm not thinking about anything.

I love the way a woman's neck smells. With or without perfume, it's the best place to stick your nose.

I like the noises they make. Guys only talk, yell, or grunt. Women make little chirps, sighs, and bird noises, along with having marvelous inflections in their speech. I have about four inflections - Churchill, Hitler, Roosevelt, and Cletus. The average woman, in contrast, is an opera singer. They also do all these little things with their head and posture that I totally miss. Where'd they ever learn this stuff?

I like that almost all women are pretty, especially when they decide to let go of their cares for a minute and smile. It's like somebody turned on the lights. Women in all shapes and sizes when they walk down the hall with that wiggle... damn.

I love the way they are kind to animals and small children...especially when I am behaving like either one.

Just having one care about you makes you feel complete. I don't know, it is like you need the complimentary other half to make the whole. Without the softness, the intuition, the nurturing the world can be a harsh and bitter place to exist.

I like most the way a woman can be so naturally nurturing to others whether of her own family or not. There's an ease a woman has with interacting with children that simply amazes me every time I witness it.

Women have the ability to alter the nature of a man, in spite of himself. The most stoic, gruff, stone-faced men I have ever known have behaved tenderly, sensitively, and even waxed poetic in their own clumsy, ham-fisted way, over women, often without being asked. Conversely, the most mild-mannered, unimposing men will swell up like enraged bulls for them at the mere implication that a woman would like him to do so at that particular moment.

Women also understand life in a different sense then men. Men (and I know I am generalizing here) see the world largely in it's physical state, and have trouble grasping other issues. Women are not only better able to understand the emotional state of the world, but the spiritual state as well.

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Interestingly, I think that the men were much better at articulating their thoughts while still being poetic and sincere. Oh, the mysteries of the sexes.

17 February 2008

burst

Oooooh I just cleaned my sink and dusted and vacuumed!

Life is great!

16 February 2008

twba

There's not really an explanation for these. If I had to use words to describe them I'd say: unintended self-portrait soft hair unsatisfied colors impressive plum makeup glitter packets for roses normal calendar finally. Enjoy.

I've had a really good weekend thus far. I can't seem to communicate in complete sentences so pretty skirt delicious dining hall food encounter smiles workout endorphins spontaneousness driving mall Sephora traffic friends happiness anticipation deep conversations disappointment hopefulness surprise text messages cuddling with Keri happiness videogames Mario Kart dehydration realisticness Taxi Driver longing long sleep coziness frustration reading errands walking driving dusk content new music hunger...

08 February 2008

sailor

I feel like there are a lot of loose ends in me, so let's tidy them up.

First things first: it's funny that this is bothering me, but it is. My mom gave me a calendar for Christmas since I love having pretty pictures up on the wall. I didn't open it until I got to school and then put up, and it wasn't until two days ago that I was looking at the dates and days and realized they were all off by one. And then I realized that it was 2007 calendar. WTF? Of course, now that it's February one cannot find any good calendars anywhere. My friend proposed just shifting the days of the week over by one which I did, but now it looks like this:

Yeah. Unsightly a tad? ~~I guess I just need to order some generic artsy $8 $14 (!) calendar from Amazon. But you can't see thumbnails of the different months... only the cover. Sigh.~~ Alright, I just ordered a pretty teNeues calendar from B&N. Enough of the hopelessness. It's done.

It is gorgeous in Southern California now. For most of last week it was in the 50s, cloudy, raining and cold. I don't have winter clothes, per se. I live in skirts and flip flops. No boots. No peacoat. (I do, luckily, have an umbrella.) Life comes to a standstill here when one must plan for the weather... it's just not part of daily thinking. "Of course it's pleasant and sunny outside! I can wear rubber flip flops to the dining hall and not worrying about slipping and breaking my back!" So now the weather is back to paradisaical, the mountains to the north are capped with snow, and the palm trees sway in the breeze.

I switched my meal plan from 12/week to 16/week. Ooooooh! No, it was just that I was having to go buy yogurt (for breakfast) like every three days and it was becoming a pain. Moving the car means probably losing your parking spot, and I was racking up nice fat receipts from Sprouts for cartons of organic plain nonfat yogurt. So I decided to get over my expensive organic yogurt thing and just eat breakfast in the dining hall. Mudd has delicious plain yogurt and good coffee, so now I have a bowl of yogurt with frozen blueberries mixed in, along with a cup of coffee and a cup of water. It's pretty empty and quiet in there (almost solemn), the New York Times keeps me company and doing this gets me out of my room and on the way to my 9am Pomona class on time.

Julia asked me a while ago what I bought from the Gap. I needed more cardigans and zip ups and hoodies, so I bought a variety of styles and figured out which ones I liked. I ended up loving this "clean zip-up hoodie"...

... because it works really nicely with my skirts, which are mostly darker colors. So I originally bought it originally in "lawn green", and then ordered it in all the colors it comes in - "military blue", "fruit punch" (pink) and white. I wore the pink one yesterday with a violet cami and my voluptuous black knee-length skirt. People said it brought out the subtle sheen of maroon in my (brown) hair. These also work with my black yoga pants. I have been realizing how most of my clothes are dark, which makes for a hard time matching pieces together so I'm not wearing a solid block of black, and relatively old, which makes it hard putting together more than handful of outfits. So now I have these colorful hoodies, plus I have camis in almost every color. A good start, I think.

SuperTuesday was as I predicted, but not hoped: Hillary narrowly beat Obama in terms of delegates; McCain won overwhelmingly. While I'm not a Democrat (more of a Libertarian) I vote for Democrats because they represent my views more so than do the current Republicans and right now social issues are more important to me than economic ones. So in terms of Democrats, I vote for Obama because he's young and enthusiastic. He understands my generation. He may not have experience but he's extremely intelligent, thoughtful, and does not have entrenched ideals and ways of doing things that can hinder openness for reform. I wouldn't die if Hillary is the next President but I'd prefer not continuing the "dynasty" of Bushes and Clintons in the White House. If she wins and serves two terms (to 2016), then basically for all of our lives (Bush Sr. was elected in 1988) all the Presidents will have been Bushes and Clintons (that's 28 years). Too monarchical for me. I like change. I like new blood. But Clinton is "safer" than Obama, and I think at the end of the day people know she can get the job done. Obama is riskier, which is preferable in my opinion, but then again, I'm just a liberal college student. At my school, support splits into 80/20 Obama/Clinton. I know some people who are working on his campaign and they are so inspired and hopeful, and I feel that at this point in my life Obama is the best candidate for what I hope to see happen in Washington and in the US as a whole. So we'll see how the rest of the primaries fare for these two. As for the Republicans, it was pretty clear that McCain was the only possibility. Romney was terrifyingly close-minded and conservative, and Huckabee could never make it outside of the South. Giuliani has too much baggage and was a terrible underqualified candidate anyway. In terms of his politics, McCain is certainly the most moderate Republican... which is why the party is basically cleaving in terms of support. Republican crisis! While he does support things I do not, I think his maverick tendencies would not make radical changes for the worse - he has said he would not overturn Roe v. Wade, for example. I think he's actually even more moderate than he appears to be... but he has to pander somewhat to the right-wing Republicans if he wants their support. In any case, he'd be a huge improvement from Bush Jr (although I'm obviously all for a Democrat winning... and will not know what to do if a Republican actually wins again). It's funny what's going on with the conservative pundits these days... like Ann Coulter saying she'd rather vote for Hillary than McCain. I think that a McCain v. Clinton election would actually cause many people to abstain from voting... both the conservative Republicans and the Democrats who hate Hillary. In any case, it'll be interesting to see what happens.

Lastly:

My favorite, favorite J.Crew flip flops, which have been with me all over the country and all over Europe, are becoming unwearable.

At first, a tiny hole appeared near the edge of one of them, but then it grew and the other one got one too, and as you can kind of see, the big toe area is worn down so thin that I can feel the variations in the concrete. I have a newish pair, but they're a size larger (since I couldn't remember what size I bought) so they flap a bit at the heel, and they're rigid and not broken in and just not perfect like these ones are. But it's becoming treacherous to keep wearing them outside, not to mention slightly embarrassing when I'm cross-legged. So today I'm wearing the new ones, but not without sending them vibes of inadequacy and lofty standards.

01 February 2008

unbridled

I can't completely believe it's the first of February. I mean, I only got back to school eleven days ago so most of January was spent at home... but it's still weird that it's February already. And it's a short month in itself. Really, the semester is not that long.

I've gotten into the groove with my schedule, which I love because it gives my days and weeks structure and expectation. My week is essentially over on Wednesday night, although I have class for an hour each on Thursday and Friday mornings and this is nice because it gets me up and doing things early, as well as giving me time to work out in the morning if I want instead of in the evenings, which happens on M/W. The trouble with this is that the week feels really long and the time seems endless, but really, Friday night gets here before you know it and the pile of work for Monday then needs to be tackled. But so far we've (my friends and I) have been on top of things and are studying together at Mudd in our favorite lounge, where cute boys roam and free espresso beckons.

Since I'm in Claremont more often than not, I've switched to a hair stylist here who is really awesome. She used to work at a famous salon in LA and is really competent, fun and knowledgeable about brands and things... so after doing my makeup for free one day last December she basically convinced me that Jane Iredale cosmetics are the best thing ever. Apparently you have to "apply" to them to be able to sell their products, and while they are expensive they are made of really good quality ingredients and make you look absolutely gorgeous - and natural (it's mineral-based). I've been slowly buying certain products for which I'd rather pay more and be assured that my skin is going to react well, since the powder and concealer made by cheap brands often make me break out. (For other things, however, such as eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara, I don't believe paying an extra $30 is necessary.) So the other day I went to the salon and bought a powder compact and concealer, as well as two brushes to use with them. I almost gasped at the total cost... but I used the powder today and literally, it was gorgeous... like sprinkling my skin with stardust. And the concealer actually helped clear up a few blemishes - a first. So I'm just ecstatic that I'm figuring this whole makeup thing out. While I'm mature in certain aspects, it has taken me longer than most to get into the rhythm of being a happy, confident woman - which, for me at least, includes investing in accessories like leather handbags and makeup. And of course, it's not like I'm done with the process, but there were a few years there were I didn't feel like I was living at my full potential because I was scared or maybe embarrassed, but I'm happy to say that I'm happier now.