27 March 2009
words cannot do justice
Things I Love Thursday (on Friday)
Being elated. Loving everything so much that you induce your brain to make chemicals that make you feel like you are high. This happened to me yesterday, and in a way it was the best day of my entire life so far. It happened because I decided to adopt...
... the idea of subjective reality (be prepared to suspend your belief system while reading: here, here, here, and here, in that order) and simulism. I don't think you can comprehend simulism until you comprehend subjective reality, and I think subjective reality is a more encompassing and empowering mindset to adopt. But simulism is still interesting.
Having summer plans! I'm going to intern again for the Mono Lake Committee, where I was last summer also. I'll be there for June, July and most of August (and maybe all of August depending on my next step, which I haven't figured out yet).
Embracing the unknown and accepting uncertainty and change. I was really, really low earlier this week... so low that experiencing yesterday made me briefly wonder if I was dying or going insane; the poles of my moods and emotions are incredibly far apart.
Having fantastic, meaningful interactions with everyone. Yesterday I talked (in person or on the phone) to five people who are only somewhat peripherally in my life right now, but because of my attitude that didn't matter at all and the hours I spent talking to them were so fulfilling and incredible.
Sounding like I'm crazy and misguided. It makes all of this all the more fun.
Taking pictures on the patio at 7:30 in the morning, minutes after waking up, because the day was heartbreakingly perfect.
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19 March 2009
i just adore you
Things I Love Thursday
sisters
dads
driving and listening to good music with the windows down in the California sunshine
perfect 75 degree weather all week. leaving my windows open all day. the glow of sunset at 6:30. the silky sensual warmth of march is unbelievable.
hanging out with the seniors and having the dorm and campus to ourselves. don't come back, everyone! we like it better here without you.
just kidding. it'll be nice to have life return to normal in a few days. but staying here for break was the best idea ever.
having all the time in the world to write thesis! while I don't have 50 pages, I do have like... 30ish. Go me!
not having to live around dining hall hours -- here's to waking up when I want (I've been averaging 11:30am. yes!) and eating what I want when I want.on that note, sleeping for 10-12 hours a night. It's been a long time since I've been able to sleep that long daily.
wearing sweats every day. I am such a lazy dresser.
staking out a table in Platt and it is MINE FOREVER NOW BITCHES. you hear?!
okay, so I won't be able to use it much after this sunday because groups use the whiteboards in the evenings. but for this week we are so happily married. I bet it appreciates a break from theoretical physics and abstract algebra.
drinking lots of water. I drink so much water. probably about a gallon a day. it makes me feel so gooooooood...
getting tattooed. the pain is a kind of pleasure. this latest tattoo of mine is turning into an epic journey of several months. quite fitting since it is going to represent forever this crazy, tumultuous, introspective time of my life.
seeing afternoon matinees alone. I love the odd characters and the thrilling feeling that you are skipping school. potentially figuring out the next few months of my life! more on this next week.
music of the week: frank sinatra, gene ammons, glenn miller, michael buble, girl talk, po' girl, junior boys, little people, mylo (those last three are my thesis soundtrack)
16 March 2009
the endless hole of doom
This is supposed to feed me for the week:
I mean, I'm not going to lie, it is delicious. Once or twice. But I am a helpless child when there is no dining hall. I have to wash my plate, what? Where's the endless supply of apples? And no free coffee?
It is Monday (already... kind of, but kind of also - only?) and I am sitting in Platt at Mudd, the room I should basically marry at this point, it provides for me like nothing else in my life does, and I am going to write ten pages of thesis today. Yesterday I wrote eight, so really today I should write twelve. But that is probably a bit unrealistic. I am sitting in the back of the room at my own enormous table surrounded by white boards and binders and books, with nothing to do except write. This is my life for the next six days.
Sooooooo boring.
I can't wait until everyone is back and there is life here again. And that also means I'll have a draft. Instead of being a senior procrastinating to the point of having daily panic attacks I will be a badass senior with her shit together. SUCKAAAAS.
Okay, time to stop.
Get back to work.
12 March 2009
because you're too young
Things I Love Thursday (inspired by the wonderful Gala Darling)
SPRING BREAK. It has officially begun as of 1:10pm today. I am staying at school and doing two things: sleeping and writing. I have (want?) to write the majority of my thesis in the next ten days... but at least there are no classes to go to. And the gym is staying open, too.
Taking a week off from working out. SO. NICE. I'm starting up again tomorrow morning and I'm ready.
Living without the dining hall! I will be very interested to see what I end up eating for the next seven days. The dining halls close on Saturday and I'm poor, so for the last few days I've been stealing chicken breasts by surreptitiously putting extra ones in a ziploc bag (chicken breast count as of today: 15). Maybe I'll go to Goodwill and buy a soup pot and re-create that fantastic chicken tomato soup I made five times over winter break. Goodwill, soup pots... this is good preparation for the future.
My bedhair is just the best with this short hair I have now.
(Free) Documentaries (on Netflix' website)! The Bridge (about suicides on the Golden Gate Bridge), Planet B-Boy (international breakdancing competition), Falling From Grace (crazy homophobic fundamentalist Christians in Kansas).
When it feels like the day is making love to you all afternoon; the sun in general (it's back!).
My wonderful sister who is visiting me for a few days to look at colleges with Dad. I adore her.
Cute emails from my brother.
Going to insane physics lectures about superfluids and appreciating the fact that a lot of things in science just don't click with my brain.
The dining hall bringing back feta cheese! THANK YOU.
Dresses! I am slowly venturing into the world of dresses. I never wear them because I feel self-conscious but as I slowly chip away at my self-consciousness the more I think about throwing on a dress. Right now I only have one that I've had for five years and never worn, but recently I started wearing it around... still always with a cardigan (it's too cold), but maybe by graduation I'll bare it all.
Getting inked, again. It's a big one, and is taking multiple sessions. I'll post a picture when it's healed. Wish me luck! My thesis (not counting my first chapter, which I wrote last fall and will have to substantially revise) is currently 10 pages. This time next week I hope to report that it is 50 pages. (Jesus Christ.) A CHALLENGE HAS BEEN SET.
GO!
10 March 2009
either or
03 March 2009
expand
The universe just told me everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes it is nice to get confirmation.
02 March 2009
quell
Bloom by Sam Spenser.
I breathe a sigh of relief that it is March. February feels so claustrophobic (so do May, July, August and December).