25 January 2010
track 16
Another fun weekend. All my weekends are fun. Not that the week days aren't fun, but it's all work and there's not that much to report. I also think it's prudent not to discuss work on the internet, even if this blog is basically impossible to find or link back to me.
So, the highlights: I painted my nails dark blue last night in bed quite successfully (I thought the polish was dark purple until I opened the bottle), went to the Griffith Observatory in the Hollywood Hills on Saturday night and pondered our planet's existence in the universe, and read a lot of American Gods while Kevin worked on STEMS (engineering) homework. I'm getting so into this book and am somewhat devastated I'm almost through with it. Perhaps I shall read something else by Neil Gaiman and make it a marathon. I also have V For Vendetta (the graphic novel) next to my bed. I gave it to Kevin as one of his Christmas/birthday presents partly because I wanted to read it after him. I am turning into the perfect girlfriend of a nerd, it's true.
18 January 2010
midas is king
Fun weekend!
[Saturday] Picked Kevin up at Burbank Airport, dinner at Masa, the weekly Trader Joes grocery run, watched 300.
[Sunday] Natural History Museum of LA County, rain, strolled around Silver Lake's Sunset Junction (hipster epicenter of America), dinner at home (I made spaghetti and turkey meatballs, he washed up), Sin City, finally (I fell asleep when we attempted to watch it last June).
[Monday] more rain, drove to Claremont, late lunch at Some Crust, Up In The Air , went on a walk around the colleges in the calm, still evening (after the first of many torrential storms this week), picked up a few more things at the Claremont Trader Joes, and back to Echo Park sans lover. I made my weekly batch of chunky tomato sauce and used up the rest of my wilting basil, and made a pot of pasta for lunch this week.
I feel rested and rejuvenated after the long weekend. And only four days of work! Friday was such a good day at the office, I'm weirdly excited to go back tomorrow.
13 January 2010
baby's got sauce
There no longer seems to be any rhythm to my life, other than the five-day/two-day paradigm every week. So what have I been up to?
I joined a gym last week. Accomplishment!!! Seriously, in LA the whole gym thing is a nightmare. Most are corporate (LA Fitness, 24 Hour, Bally's) with ridiculous sign-up fees, contracts that lock you in for at least a year and $4-per-15-minute parking (seriously). There are none very near my apartment; the closest is downtown LA and I didn't even consider joining that one -- driving there in the morning before work would be a nightmare. Proximity is key. But there is one alternative, a local, neighborhood gym in Silver Lake that is a ten minute drive (with free parking in the back). I finally got myself over there on Saturday afternoon when I had lots of time and didn't have to rush. I'd done my research and Yelp doesn't lie: it was pretty much exactly how it was described. It's two-levels, but small, and weights-heavy and machine-light, but they have everything you could want, without the bullshit. Also, you can sign up for a month-to-month, 3, 6, 9, 12, or 24 months for pretty similar prices. $120 for three months unlimited? Sold. I haven't worked out in ages (rural Mono Lake --> Kevin's dorm room --> no car living in LA --> Christmas break), and one of my goals this year is to get back into lifting. Senior year of college I got through four of the six month lifting program in this book before my life was consumed by thesis and then Kevin, but I was in the best shape of my life last winter. I recommend it to any woman who wants to lift weights but is intimidated by the whole scene at the gym. It is designed to work your major muscle groups over a 3 days/week period, and shows you exactly how to do each exercise, including those ones you've seen guys do, such as squats and deadlifts. I was lucky to have an all-women's gym at Scripps to start out looking like a fool, but honestly, I still look like a fool at my new gym here trying to figure out where things are. What I've learned is: no one is paying much attention to you. And before long you'll know exactly what you are doing. Another fear - that you're going to bulk up -- is literally ludicrous. We don't produce enough testosterone in our bodies, first of all, and it's not like lifting some weights three times a week is going to make you look like this. It's actually insulting to people who work insanely hard to build muscle that some women believe basic lifting is going to make them huge. My brother, a hockey player who resembles Ashton Kutcher, spent a few years in college building up his body, and he not only followed a specific and hardcore lifting plan each week but did cardio as well and followed an insanely strict diet. And he still struggled to gain muscle mass. It' not easy, even for the half of our species genetically inclined to build muscle. So, this book that I am waxing poetic about is tailored to women, and if you follow the six month plan and eat well, you'll end up looking something like this fine lady. Something like, I said. Because it's been nine months since I lifted a weight I'm starting from the beginning, and day number 1 on Saturday was a kick in the ass in the best way possible. I haven't had exercise endorphins pumping through my veins in ages (well, from that type of exercise), and I felt the high. LOVE that high. I'm back in for real now. So yes, just spreading the word.
I've also been pushing the boundaries of my LA. I finally feel ready to start putting myself out there a bit. On Friday my office had our yearly work retreat at the Getty Villa, just south of Malibu overlooking the Pacific Ocean (which I hadn't seen for probably seven months). We discussed ideas, problems, solutions and the future, and I've never felt more in-tune with my colleagues and the company I work for. We wrapped up in the early afternoon and I used the extra time to go to a nearby Target, which happened to be in Culver City. Culver City is an area of LA that is getting gentrified, kind of like Echo Park, but CC is more like a suburb near the city (while EP is definitely urban). Culver City has parking lots in front of retail stores and green glowing street signs, but it's an ideal place to live and commute to Santa Monica, Mid-Wilshire or Downtown, and while I didn't see much of the neighborhood, it apparently has changed a lot in the past ten years. It's nice to at least visit another area of this vast place, and I'd like to go back sometime. I got a white board and stationary out of that trip, too.
This weekend Eva and I went to a coffee shop in Silver Lake to check out the deal. It was kind of a flop, actually, but good to see what my vicinity has to offer. It was pretty anti-hipster (I like to think I'm anti-hipster), but thus everyone there was actually kind of boring and regular. It was a warm day and the interior was oddly shaped (long and skinny), and with no comfy seats, so we sat in a haze of cigarette smoke on a bench on the patio outside, right off busy Hyperion Avenue. But I read quite a bit of American Gods, so I made progress there. It's one of Kevin's favorites and wouldn't be my first pick off the shelf, so it's a good exercise in opening up and discovering new stuff. And guess what? I like it. Julia said something sweet on Twitter about this: "One of the best acts of love/friendship is reading someone else's favorite book, especially when it's not your usual genre". Roger that.
I'm stuck in a food rut in my life right now. I find out what is easy and tasty enough to bother making, and then I have my staples and I buy them and that's that. To review, that includes pasta, homemade tomato sauce, chicken sausage, chicken breasts, frozen raw shrimp, the veggie basics (peppers, broccoli, green beans, kale), scrambled eggs, and some fruit. God, I just fell asleep writing that list. How do other people do it? I'm buying, cooking and eating for one (most of the time), and getting to a grocery store is enough of a hassle that I don't want to be buying food every few days. I can't believe it, but I'm a once-a-week grocery shopper now. My fantasies of daily stops at the bakery and market are but a faint, idealistic memory. I'm not going to buy expensive, random ingredients just to have novelties on hand that I'll forget about and end up throwing away a week later. But facing the same three rotating ingredients every week is slowly killing the epicurean in me. Is this just what you do when you're poor? I've been spoiled for too long with a budgetless Trader Joe's existence. When I need to, though, I'm amazing at buckling down and not giving myself any breaks at all. Always extreme, we Scorpios.
I've been noticing more anxiety in my life now than ever before. The past three months that I've been living on my own, working and getting used to being in a big city have been hard, and there are so many uncertainties and worries that I was lucky not to have to think about up until this point. There will only be more, the older I get. Growing up is bittersweet, like my favorite type of chocolate. Look, there's a metaphor there for the taking, by God!
You've probably noticed I'm writing more, as well as in my paper journal. I basically fell off the face of the journal earth after graduation, which is too bad because June - December were some of the more interesting months of my life. So much happened in 2009 in general, but I was overwhelmed much of the time and writing seemed impossible. But really, even a tiny bit is better than silence.
And finally, I'm counting down the days this week until Saturday when Kevin returns to Southern California. It'll have been fifteen days since we were last together for New Years. The longest we've ever gone without seeing each other is two-and-a-half weeks -- nothing to brag about -- but since we are used to seeing each other often, even two weeks is a bit torturous. We've been together for nine-and-a-half months and we still get giddy every time we're reunited. He makes my life amazing (and vice versa!). I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
06 January 2010
thrills
Oh my god, I am in love with my new handbag.
It is Nine West, was on sale on Zappos, looks like a present (don't you think?!) and feels amazing. Beautiful materials, fits on my shoulder perfectly, and quite chic. It's my first real adult handbag. Squeal!
The bag I've been using for I don't know how long I bought at the Scripps Craft Fair sophomore year. At the time I was a vegan hippie, and it fit me perfectly.
It was a cheap cotton thing, and the decorative accents either came unglued or fell off often, and has no structure so finding things in the deep abyss is a nightmare, but it worked. I used it for so long because it was the only spacious bag I owned that could hold a book, a notepad and a water bottle without being stuffed. But now that I am a "young urban professional" (Gah, I'm a yuppie!), my old bag has been cramping my style. You can't tell from the photo, but the straps are striped pink and white linen, because in November the original ones had worn down to the threads and were about to break. I was waiting until Christmas to get a new handbag, so my wonderful mom sewed two new straps to get me through the end of the year. I looked quite the sight carrying an Aztec-themed orange handbag with pink straps wearing black or eggplant purple or grey. I used that bag to death, and feel like I finally deserve a fancy new bag that is pretty as pie.
I'm so psyched about my Christmas present! I finally feel like my external appearance matches my current life, and I've learned that that is necessary for a harmonious existence.
05 January 2010
a vault in my step
This morning I got out of bed mostly because I was tired of hearing the AT&T classic ringtone go off every five minutes on the snooze alarm. I don't usually snooze (what a funny word), but I was so exhausted that I extended lying in bed for twenty minutes. It's no good being tired right you when wake up, because that means you're going to be tired all day. I moaned with Eva (my roommate) about having to get up and having to go to work, but then I realized I needed to make tomato sauce before I left for work so I could have it for lunch, so I rolled up my sleeves and broke out the garlic, basil, olive oil and canned whole tomatoes. Fifteen minutes later, I had gorgeous pasta sauce ready to be jarred and refrigerated. I love working with food, and I make a lot of things from scratch because I enjoy the process and its healthier, not necessarily because it costs less (because sometimes it doesn't). Anyway, I was standing in our cute little kitchen at 9 in the morning opening a can of tomatoes and sauteing garlic and I thought how nice it would be if I could make my living cooking every day. Of course, lolling around my kitchen in my pajamas is nothing like professional cooking. But I began to dream about going to cooking school, even if only to learn more about making food. It would be a fun experience, I think. And then I realized I had less than ten minutes to get dressed and head out the door, so I scrambled to start my day.
It was really nice to have ten days off work and away from LA with family and friends and traditions. I spent Christmas in Scottsdale with our British family, and then a few days later we headed to Las Vegas for two nights to see Cirque du Soleil (O... absolutely fantastic). I woke up before dawn to fly to Oakland to spend the last three days of the year with Kevin, as well as his birthday on the 31st. And on New Years Day I caught a flight back to Phoenix and hung out with the family minus the Brits for two days. On Sunday I packed up my car with my bags and food from Trader Joes that my mom bought me, and headed back, along with seemingly thousands of other people, to Southern California. The prospect of going to work on Monday wasn't fabulous -- I quite enjoy spending time with my favorite people and travelling around -- but I did, and it wasn't as painful as I thought. In fact, it was kind of nice to be back. How weird is that?! I am probably one of the lucky few my age who likes their job. And I've been there long enough (almost three months) that I finally feel part of the team, rather than just the newbie. I'm excited to see what this year brings in terms of my job, and where I'll be in twelve months.
Having an extended break from LA, on the other hand, was relieving. It's not a secret that I don't love LA. I actually don't even know LA, because it's pretty big and takes ages to travel across. I don't make enough money to be able to go out and enjoy what the city has to offer, and half the time I don't want to simply because of the nightmare that is parking. Eva and I share one parking spot in the tiny parking lot of our apartment building, so we alternate each day with parking on our street. Having a car here is like having a small child cling to your leg all the time and need you constantly. I would love to live somewhere where I don't need a car, or don't need to use one that often. Going back to Scottsdale was an exercise in contrasts: Phoenix was built for the car, as was LA, but Phoenix is young. The roads are new and spacious, its roads handle traffic, even rush-hour traffic, well, getting anywhere takes thirty minutes or less, I can get to any major store within ten minutes of my house, and paying for parking is unheard of, except for valet. Those miles of parking lots that are easy to bemoan when driving around Phoenix? They look damn nice when you live in a city that has three Targets all located on extremely busy streets with underground lots and pay-per-hour parking, and the prospect of facing crowds of people just to buy a white board is too much. Screw it. It may sound silly, but the stress of having a car and dealing with parking it on a daily basis is enough to make me covet the expansive driveway at my parent's house in Scottsdale, where my car has a space any time it needs it. Here, you're fighting with everyone else just to temporarily house the hunk of metal you use to transport yourself around all day. It's exhausting.
I am also realizing I'm actually not a city person. This is fascinating, considering I spent my adolescence pining for New York City and London and was this close to transferring to the American University of Paris for my sophomore year of college. Ironically, I ended up at Scripps in the "Inland Empire", the name for the sprawling mass of cities that can no longer be called suburbs of Los Angeles because it is really a separate entity spanning three counties... a mass of cities that look exactly the same, except for the street signs. Scripps happens to be in Claremont, the nicest little town of them all, with tree-lined streets, historic homes, good public schools, and a small village center catering to old people. At 19 I was not thrilled at all with the prospect of living amongst squirrels and families with small children for three years, but by the end of my time at Scripps I loved Claremont. It has all you need, and LA is a 45 minutes away if you need theater or Ethiopian food or the ocean. But in Claremont I know the girls at Some Crust who make my coffee every day, and the section of the library I always browse in, and the Asian lady at Full of Life who knows what I order every time, and her daughter seems like she's grown a foot every time I go in. I love the feeling of walking through a quiet, sleepy town at seven in the morning to catch the train, dew drops weighing down blades of grass under my feet, and seeing bicyclists pedal past me on their way to the coffee shop. I'm not scared of going out at night, and I know exactly where to go when I need something. Yes, it must be said that there is always somewhere to park my car, and the five-mile hike in the Wilderness Park is always a ten minute drive away when I need to get into nature and into my thoughts for a while. I began to appreciate the benefits of living in a smaller city by the time I graduated Scripps, but I did not grasp the beauty of it until I moved to LA and had to face the daily battles of city life. Some people must thrive on it, and I can understand why... all the people, all the options, all the life going on. Perhaps living in a city is easier when your life has a defined path -- the place you live may be all over the map, but your head isn't. For me, though, my head is all over the map all the time, and having to live in the midst of a huge place with a million of everything all the time... it's too much. But I think mostly it's just that I value simplicity in my life. Is it better now that we have three hundred cereals to choose from? Honestly, I'd rather there only be ten. I'm also introverted enough that I am overwhelmed by the millions of strangers who I'll never know, and the faces I'll never see again. And I'm not rich; I can't afford to take advantage of the amazing opportunities LA has to offer. And it would take me years to do it all, anyway. I have a big night in my life about once a month, and that usually involves eating out at a restaurant. It's been a fascinating realization to watch myself shrink away from LA, rather than embracing it fully. It's gargantuousness scares me. Kudos to those of you who live in New York.
Of course there are things about Phoenix that are bothersome. Phoenix is much like LA except for having better roads, less inhabitants, and no ocean. It's impersonal and sprawled out, and you literally have to drive everywhere. I had this theory the other day that the extremity of the summers there -- 110 degrees for three months straight -- keep away just enough people that it will never be overpopulated like Southern California. Is it the same for Seattle, with the infamous, endless rain and clouds, or Austin with its humidity, or Toronto, with its frigid winters? I'm envisioning living in a mid-sized city like Portland, or perhaps I will end up in a small little place like Claremont. All I know is that I don't foresee myself being in Los Angeles that long. Too bad I like my job... but it's too early to say whether I'll be given a raise that will enable me to stick around there for a while, or if I'll be figuring out something else soon. Our lease runs until the end of April, so I'm safe until then. For now, I'm trying to stay as zen and anxiety-free as possible. I'm tired of not being content.
01 January 2010
survey
1. What did you do in 2009 that you've never done before?
Went wine tasting (in Napa), cut my hair really short, got a brazilian wax, wrote a thesis, graduated from college, got two UTIs, had strep throat, went to the emergency room, drove more miles in my car than ever before, got to know Oakland and San Francisco, read a graphic novel (Watchmen), discovered quesadillas, conducted a legit job search and became gainfully employed, moved into my first apartment, saved all my receipts and lived by a budget, took a train to an airport (I've only ever driven to the airport, it was surprisingly novel), became familiar with LA public transit, survived being towed, got home for Christmas the afternoon before (latest arrival ever), saw Cirque du Soleil, boarded an airplane to visit my love.
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not yet...
3. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God.
4. What countries did you visit?
None, unfortunately. I didn't leave the country.
5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Financial security, a bit more life security.
6. What were the highlights of 2009?
The Napa road trip with Tyler and Nicole in January, the week I met Kevin, the day I turned in thesis, the week after senior finals before graduation, the few days I spent in Oakland before moving to Mono Lake for the summer, the days we spent in beautiful San Francisco this summer (especially pretending to be tourists when we stayed in that hotel!), when Kevin visited me in Mono in August, seeing Alexis for the first time in a year, the housewarming party in November, seeing Cirque du Soleil for the first time in Las Vegas with my immediate and extended family, spending New Years with Kevin.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finding a job. Also, reaching a beautiful kind of peace with my body.
8. What was your biggest failure?
Not finding a job that pays enough to be fully independent.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, for the first time in years. Two UTIs and strep throat, all within three months.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
Boots in October, even if they were relatively cheap and built to last only one season. They got me through the beginnings of a chilly season in LA because I am ridiculous and insist on only wearing skirts and dresses.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All of my friends for finishing thesis and graduating... although there's truth to the graduation sentiment "Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life".
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one comes to mind.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Food and gas.
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Kevin, of course :) Finding a job was quite exciting, although more relieving than anything else. It became exciting when I realized I actually like my job. Escaping Mono to spend the weekends with Kevin in the Bay Area was the best part of my week, every week, this summer. I got quite excited about that.
15. What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?
Mike Snow's self-titled album, "I've Got A Woman" by Ray Charles, the True Blood theme song, that mix Eva gave me in June, "Rich Doors" by New Villager, "Battle Studies" by John Mayer.
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Probably about the same. Having a boyfriend makes my life wonderful, but the stress of the real world gets me down sometimes. This time last year my life was pretty simple and fun.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Probably slightly thinner because I can't afford to eat dessert now.
iii. richer or poorer?
Richer, but only because I have a steady income, however minimal.
17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading books, especially now that I'm no longer in school and don't have assigned reading. I feel like I say this every year.
18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Nothing, actually. Everything I did in excess this year was either necessary or worth it.
19. What was the hardest thing you did this year?
Growing up and starting the process of actually becoming an adult.
20. What was the best thing you did this year?
Listening to my heart and sticking out my job search to find my current position. I was this close to moving home when the opportunity presented itself.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes!
22. How many one night stands?
None.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
I got really into good television this year... starting with Mad Men this spring, and followed by True Blood, Glee and Friday Night Lights. I've started Dexter, but you can't barrel through it like you can some other shows.
24. What was the best book you read?
Atonement by Ian McEwan was pretty amazing.
25. What were your greatest musical discoveries?
Mike Snow, Passion Pit, Matt Pond PA, M. Ward, Royskopp.
26. What did you want and get?
In question #29 for last year's survey I said a boyfriend, and I found myself one this year.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
I should really write down the movies I see, because I've forgotten. But two days ago I saw Avatar 3D and it was pretty stunning. Also, 500 Days of Summer was quirky and cute.
28. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?
I spent the first week of November moving in to the apartment, so my 22nd birthday just showed up without much forethought. My parents were in town helping me move in and they took me, Eva and Kevin out to dinner at a great restaurant in Silver Lake.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being constantly on antibiotics in June. It was a big blow to my immune system as well as painful and expensive. On the up side, I was with Kevin for both UTIs and strep, so it was nice having someone to take care of me.
30. What kept you sane?
Kevin, especially during the difficult summer and fall when my life and emotions were extremely tumultuous. Also Eva, quesadillas, a daily coffee.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept for 2009?
Sundresses forever.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Majoring in politics burned me out. I'm currently in a pretty cynical mood about the government.
33. Who did you miss?
My college friends. Catherine and Carolyn graduated last December and weren't around this spring, Alexis was in Germany until August, and Keri is busy all the time. It was pretty much just Eva and I. I missed my family a lot in the last few months of the year during my job search and beginnings of my new job. Becoming something of an adult has made me really, really appreciate my parents and my family.
34. Who was the best new person you met?
Hmmmm, let's guess... :)
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
All you have is yourself... and the people who love you.
In a few ways it was a wonderful year, but mostly just a rough year. Here's to 2010!